Responses

A good caregiver is one who responds sensitively to their partner’s need for comfort, reassurance, and assistance. The type and amount of support that is needed in any given situation is determined primarily by the care receiver (i.e., the degree to which he or she is distressed).  Sensitivity involves taking  cues from the care receiving partner. 

Responses are determined by the caregiver:

1.    attending to the care receiver’s signals

2.    attending to the care receiver’s behavior

3.    determining  what response is best.

4.    responding  appropriately and promptly

5.    monitoring the effect of one’s behavior on the recipient

6.    modifying behavior accordingly

Insensitive care giving :

1. may not notice the care receiver’s signals

2. may misinterpret or ignore signals when they are noticed

3. may behave in a rejecting way

4. may respond too tardily, or inappropriately, or not at all for a bid for support

Research has shown that when individuals perceive that their partners had been supportive and responsive to their needs, they felt more loved and valued by their partners and more satisfied with their relationships.

TIME IS ESSENTIAL IN BEING ABLE TO RESPOND SENSITIVELY!!

EXERCISE: Have couples practice sharing something with their partner which is moderately upsetting for them but which is not an issue of conflict between the pair. Their partner is to practice sensitive care-giving behavior.

If good caregivers are doing their job, they are “on duty” on a continual basis.

The care giver has two jobs: to provide a safe haven for “coming in” for comfort  and a secure base for the care receiver’s  “going out” or exploratory behavior.

Care givers provide a secure base by

1.    facilitating exploration

2.    responding to exploratory successes and failures with encouragement

3.    promoting open communication re: personal goals and desires

4.    sometimes fostering autonomy and sometimes offering assistance

5.    promoting the other’s welfare by facilitating personal growth

Marion Fallding,  May 2005

Last modified: 05/09/06